I’m back – where have I been?

Hey guys,

I’m back! Did you miss me? I might be a little rusty considering I haven’t posted for over a year. I feel like I owe you all an explanation.

If you haven’t read one of my past blogs called “personally” go read it or this won’t make any sense. So I mentioned in that blog my battle with anorexia. Putting it simply, I broke. I have been in a eating disorder clinic. I got out a few weeks ago and I feel ready to tell you guys now.

I’m better, not completely but well enough that I got out. It felt like I was in there forever. My starting time was 42 days but it got streched again and again because I wasn’t getting better. I wanted to, I just couldn’t. The other girls that were in my ‘ward’ were like ghosts. It made me wonder if I was like that and the thought scared me. It was always like a competion they all silently looked at each other wondering who was thinner, I’ll admit that I did too. But when you’re in the compulsive state we were in you would too.

I have to have check ups every couple of weeks and if I start loosing weight again I could end up back in the clinic. But I’m working on staying out of there. I have to get better.

That’s all I’m ready to say at the moment and I will start blogging properly again. I hope you are doing well and stay safe

Sweet Angel xx

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New Fashion Blog

Hey guys after really enjoying this blog I’ve decided to create a fashion blog so go see it and like, follow and subscribe. Also I’ve called it Sapphire fashion but again to stay anonymous its not my real name and I’ll leave the link below:

https://bluesapphiresfashion.wordpress.com/?p=8

Tuesday’s Word

Hey guys,

I hope you’ve all had a lovely week I haven’t been able to post here lately so I’m going to try harder to post more.

The quote above I’ve always hoped is true because I like to believe no one is truely bad and that there’s something good in everyone. Everyone has there reasons for the things they do if its good or bad. I know from experience that people do judge a lot and to be honest so do I. Everyone judges people even if not in purpose.

So as this corona virus is effecting everything there has been one good thing come out of it for me.

Since I was young I’ve always wanted to be a fashion designer and recently I’ve actually started designing and like this blog a lot has been going on so I haven’t had the time. But now I don’t have school I’m going to make time to do the things I love.

I hope you all stay happy and healthy and I’m going to write again soon.

Sweet Angel xx

Okay…Wait?

Hey Guys,

I’ve noticed that there has been a lot of posts on the Chorona virus. So I thought I might as well say my view on it all.

Okay, as I’m still at school being quarantined and everything has affected me big time. I’m one of thoses rare peole that actually kinda likes school. So my school closed on Friday and now I have to do all my work at home. I hope it doesn’t go on for too long though because then I might not get to do my exams. Which I’m going to need next year.

However if I’m going to be quarantined for a while at least it gives me a chance to post here more often.

Also happy mothers day to everyone 🙂

Sweet Angle xx

Happily

Hey guys,

So I went to therapy, I talked to the therapist (not about anything to do with anything really just how school is and stuff)…. and that’s it. I don’t feel any change. I still feel as alone as before. He said this was just the start but if that was the start it all seems a little pointless to me.

So yeah other than all the therapy stuff minnie (read previous posts to understand who she is) has been trying to persuade me to join her drama club. I’ve always been into drama, acting and singing so I might join but I’m nervous about meeting new people and what they might think of me.

Also I got a chance to got to france only none of my friends were going. And for the past few weeks I’ve been debating whether or not I should go. I decided that I’m going to go because I’ve never been to france and it just sounds lovely. Though I’m scared I might have a panic attack while I’m away and I haven’t actually told anyone at school about it nor my anorexia.

I’m just praying it will all be fine. Comment bellow wether or not you’ve been to france and what your experience was like.

Sweet Angel xx

Taking Steps

Hey,

Recently I’ve been hearing the word therapy a lot. My family have wanted me to start therapy for ages. So I can talk about how I feel and everything thats going on and how I’m dealing with pressure. But I’m the sort of person who likes to keep how I feel to myself. They think that it would make me feel better to talk about it.

But I honestly don’t really want to. Its taken me so long to open up to the people I care about imagine how long it will take telling someone I don’t know.

Although I’m kinda scared about how its going to turn out I can see that its a step in the right direction.

I’ll tell you how it went next time and comment on wether or not you think its a good idea

Sweet Angel xx

Thoughts

Hey guys,

I hope you have all had a good week and relaxing half term for those who got one.

This post’s quoto makes so much sense but loads of people don’t get it. Some people see it as not showing you still care about someone. But I see it as showing you don’t want to force a relationship. If someone’s not happy let them go. Don’t force them to stay.

Although I guess I do see where people are coming from. But just see it like on the outside you let them go but inside you keep them and when they finally, completely leave you can be upset. You can miss them. But remember it was their choice to go.

I have lost so many friends but I’ve also gained so many. I sometimes wonder if thoses who left miss me. But I always remember they chose to leave and thats not my fault.

Sweet Angel xx

Valentines Day

Hey!

I hope all of you guys had a wonderful, love filled Valentines day with your chosen Valentine.

This Valentines I didn’t have a Valentine. Which completely made yesterday just another day. And Valentines was my favourite time of year. But not anymore. Okay, to be totally honest I still love Valentines I probably always will. Like, why not? Some people think its a waste of money but I see it as a way to show you love someone. But everyone has a diffrent view.

Although I didn’t have a valentine I still got a card so it wasn’ta total disaster :). But for the rest of the day I was at school and after I was listening to music and drawing. So my day wasn’t exactly exciting but it could have been worse.

Tell me what you did yesterday in the comments.

Sweet Angel xx

Perfectly Simple

Hey!

I hope you all are having a lovely week and continue to.

So on with my blog. I really like starting my posts with a quote its just a nice thing to read I think, but if you disagree let me know in the comments bellow.

I’ve never been one of the popular kids but I’m not hated either I’m just kinda in the middle.

A few years back I had some friends that I truely cared for but they treated me awfully. My best friend * who I’m going to call Rose for anonymity reasons* recently spread a horrible rumor about me and now I basically have no one I can trust. I tried to sort things out but I realised what happened wasn’t my fault. I shouldn’t be the one apologising. She should. I thought I had no one. As I knew all my “friends” would side with her but one of them *minnie* actually stayed on my side.

We are really close now and I love her so much for what she did for me. When this happened it showed who were my true friends and those who weren’t. But what happened really broke me. And It’s like Rose doesn’t even care which hurts so much more. I miss all the friends I know it’s silly after how they treated me but they were a big part of my life and always will be. But we will never be as close as before.

I’ll still care for them. But if I’m totally honest I won’t care for them as friends I’ll care for them like someone does with an old coat they lost. The loves still there but it’s not as real and pure. Its more faded and more like a memory.

We all hold on to people who treat us bad because we love them. I know I still have some of those people in my life. But it ruins the best in us. Even though we think we need them sometimes we might be better without them.

Sweet Angel xx

Personally

Hey guys!

Hope you are all having a lovely week! This post is going to be quite personal today as you can probably tell from the title and this quote reflects how I feel.

Recently I have been struggling with anxiety and anorexia. It took me a long time to open up about this. And I still struggle to talk about it. But I want to be able to be totally honest on this blog and that means telling you exactly whats happening in my life. I really don’t want to be another girl who talks about how bad her life is I want to be unique. But I don’t want yours or anybody elses pity.

When I was younger I was bullied alot and that made me really self conscious. But also certain people in my life made me feel bad about myself. I got told on a daily basis I was fat and needed to loose weight. At the time I was only 7 or 8 years old. I didn’t really care what they thought of me. But now looking back on all of that I’m really hurt.

This then caused my anorexia. I felt fat and ugly and wanted to change so badly. So I just felt really sick when I saw food and I didn’t eat much if at all. Food just became a punishment for me. At first no one really noticed but I started to get really thin because my anorexia developed and when I did eat I made myself sick.

I saw an image of the perfect, pretty girl I wanted to be and I decided she was thin. But eventually people did start to notice: teachers, friends, family. It wasn’t just my apperance that was changing though, I didn’t feel like me. Eventually I opened up about what was happening. It didn’t happen exactly as planned. My mother caught me throwing up. So I told her the truth.

Now they’re trying to get me some help. But I don’t like the way people see me any more like I’m so fragile and might break at any moment.

I’m glad I opened up to you about this and next time I’ll try to blog about something more light hearted.

Sweet Angel xx

Silence

Hey!

This quote means a lot to me. When my life was falling apart the one person I could still trust sent me this quote and I read it every morning to remind me so much is going on even if you can’t see or hear it happening.

For the past few days my family and friends have been trying to encourage me to start a club or new sport. When I was younger I kept asking to do ballet, gymnastics or drama clubs. I never did get the chance to participate in any of theses things. But I’ve had a tough year and I’m slowly trying to get my life back on track. They think that making new friends and trying something new might help. But if I’m totally honest clubs are the last thing on my mind. But I think doing one of these clubs they want me to try may help them more than me so I’m going to try. But like I said I have no idea what to do.

Like, subscribe, follow, share and comment bellow some ideas of what I should try.

Sweet Angel xx

Wish Granting Factories

Hey guys!

When I was younger I loved to read fairy tales. I wished I could be a pretty princess locked in a tower or having my wishes granted by fairies . But as I grew up I started to grow out of my fairy tale phase and I realised not everything you want will happen. That the world is not one big wish granting factory but I still had hope that the world was a beautiful, carefree place. I began to realise it’s not. Everywhere I looked there was information that I wasn’t ready for. The idea of climate change scares me and I guess in one way it should. But when I was first told about it I was confused and I thought I was going to die straight away if I ate meat. Now looking back on that it seems rather silly but I still felt that fear. In some ways I still do. Today it’s 2 years later and I’m a vegitarian. When I quote how long its been since I thought I was practically going to die it doesn’t seem that long. It wasn’t that long ago. When someone thinks of fear they usually think of young children but deep down we all fear something.

Like, subscribe, follow, share and comment below.

Sweet Angel xx

Is it just me…?

Hey guys!

Recently it seems that I’m getting even more clumsy. I always thought this was impossible. I always thought I’d reached my clumsy limit. Obvioulsy not. I have actually fallen into a bin before. I don’t even know how. I was putting the rubbish out and then I was in the bin. My family and friends found it absoultly hilarious. At the time I did not. But now I do. It’s not everyday you see someone fall in a bin is it? The other day in drama class we had to preform something on stage. As I was walking up to the stage I fell UP the stairs. So I physically fell onto the stage. So I tried to “style it out” I totally failed and ended up falling flat on my face in front of my whole drama class. At this pointed I was totally convinced I was the most uncoordinated person in the whole world.

Like, follow, subscribe and comment bellow about your worst clumsy moments.

Sweet Angel xx

Sun Rise

Hey!

This morning I woke up to the most beautiful view:

Eveything changes over time. But the one thing I can be sure of is that the sun will rise everyday and the sun will set. So even when my whole life is falling apart I know that the sun will still come up. Even when I feel like I have nothing the sun will still appear. The moon is not as reliable it changes everyday the shape never stays the same as it was the night before. But knowing I have a constant star ( the sun is a star) is realxing and it makes everything else feel so much smaller

Please like, follow and comment bellow.

Sweet Angel xx

My New Blog

Hey, to whoever is reading this. Firstly I hope you all enjoy my blog! As you can see I’ve decided to create a blog. You may be wondering why and honestly its because I have no other way of expressing my feelings. I’ve tried writing a diary but I found it pointless as no one was going to read it. I wanted my thoughts to have a bigger impact so a lot is going to come from me and I hope all this that I post is helpful 🙂

Being a teenager in the 21st centruy is hard. I would know I am one. But I like to believe that we can all talkle the hardship of being alive together 🙂 and I know this is hardly ever true. Its hard to share feelings with each other and grown ups don’t realise that. Most of us like to feel things privately in our own way. I totally get that. When people say they understand what we’re going through but they don’t . Its frustrating but everyone reading this has one thing in commen we are all still here in the 21st century and we deserve a medal for that I think. No one truely knows how hard it is.

I’m hoping to write many more blogs and I’m keeping it anonymous so please like and comment below.

I’ll write again soon

Sweet Angel xx